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 conceal, don't feel, tagged for annalise/tay
elsa brigit redd
 Posted on: Mar 3 2017, 09:50 PM
elsa
❝ the cold never bothered me anyway ❞
frozen
24
5'8"
heterosexual
interested
47

wendy



conceal, don't feel
outfit to come

It had been a handful of months since the last time that she had made her way to the other side of the portal, since she had last mustered the courage to face the world she had once called home and had had to flee. She had had very little trouble with her memories of late, which had been her main reasoning behind not making the trip to the once beautiful and now haunted world where she had grown up, but her memories had begun to fade and soften at the edges, losing the sharp focus she preferred to keep them in and becoming more and more difficult to fully recall. It was only a matter of time at this point, she knew, before they started to slip away altogether, and while on many occasions over the years she'd caught herself in thoughts of how it would be a blessing to forget who she was and where she'd come from and what she'd done, she couldn't allow it. Wouldn't allow it. She'd done so many terrible things when she'd lived in this world. She'd pushed away her family, the people who she'd loved the most in all the world, in the hopes that she would be able to keep them safe, as much as she knew it hurt them to have her grow so distant, and in the end, her efforts had come up fruitless. Her parents had been lost at sea on a journey that it would at one point in time have been her duty as the eldest princess of Arendelle to accompany them on, and Anna...well, it was because of what she had done to Anna that she truly viewed herself as a monster.

It was one thing to push away your little sister and best friend for years, to ignore her and pretend you don't hear her knocking at the door every day pleading with you to come out and play, but it was another thing to, on the same day that you reunite and are given the chance to mend your relationship with your sister, to refuse her the single happiness she has ever requested, and then to run and hide when your darkest secrets are revealed and she comes after you desperate for answers. It was another thing entirely to lose control of your emotions--the emotions you had worked for so many years to reign in and try to learn to calm--and to hit your sister with your magic, to watch her sprawled on the floor in pain and to still send her away. Closing her eyes and releasing a long, shaky breath, the former queen of Arendelle reminded herself that she had only been trying to protect Anna in the one way that she knew how, but the other part of her--the louder part--fought back, calling her a witch, a sorceress, a monster, just as the Duke of Weselton had done on the night of her coronation

Up in the palace of ice she'd created atop the North Mountain overlooking her kingdom, she'd planned to hide herself away as she had in the castle in Arendelle for most of her life, though the isolation was more necessary now than ever now that the world knew her true nature. And when Anna had coem looking for her with the little snowman Olaf in toe to tell her that she had plunged Arendelle into an eternal winter and that they needed her help to save the kingdom, she had had murdered her own sister in a moment when her fear became too much to quell or hold back, and in that same moment, she had stolen true love away from the man who had fallen in love with her little sister, and as painful as the weight of that guilt and that horror had been on her chest every single day that she'd carried it with her, she couldn't allow herself to let go of it. The last time she'd let go of her inhibitions and tried to truly be free of her isolation and of her fear, she'd lost control, and the image of Anna on the floor, clutching her chest desperately, would forever haunt her as a stain or a tattoo on her eyelids, there every time that she closed her eyes or tried to find some peace. She was a monster they'd feared she was. She didn't deserve to find peace.

Blue eyes opened on the world once more, the gentle drifts of snowflakes around her the only sign that anything was wrong as she stared up at the crumbled, shattered castle atop the hill ahead of her. This place was not Arendelle--was not her home--but it looked so similar to the home she remembered from her childhood that when the portal had opened up and left her here she hadn't been able to help herself from approaching it. It lay in ruins, destroyed by the darkness and the creatures that it wielded as weapons, and the blonde found herself wondering what Arendelle would look like if she ever got to see it again--if she could ever bring herself to see it again. Sighing another shaky sigh, Elsa approached a large bolder to one side of the path she wandered on her way to the old castle ruin, and as she took a seat atop it, gentle drifts of snow still falling down around her even as the sun shone bright overhead through the dark, inky clouds, trying to bathe the land in light as it once had. She knew that Anna would not have wanted this for her, if she were still here...knew that her little sister would have wanted her to be happy no matter what, but she was not as forgiving a soul as Anna. She was dark and broken apart and sharp inside, and it was because of this that she struggled so with the idea of letting in any small bit of happiness, that she struggled with the thought of letting anyone in.

It was because of this that she struggled with the thought of letting Leon in. He was kind and handsome and she felt drawn to him whenever they were close, but how was she to know that she wouldn't hurt him as she had Anna, or Hans, or her parents, or any of the townsfolk in Arendelle who had suffered through the beginnings of the eternal winter she had plagued their home with? And then there was Olaf, sweet and funny, who was so excited to have her back in his life, to have found her and to now have someone else to help him to look for the others--for Anna's friends Kristoff and Sven who had helped her on her quest to find Elsa and to bring back Summer. How could she face him, knowing the truth of what she had done? She had created him, and he loved her unconditionally, as she did him, but how could she allow herself to love anyone, even as she loved Olaf, when it might put them in danger. Especially in San Francisco, where her friend was a human rather than a snowman given life, and she was still very much the ice queen she had always been. Isolation was always best. Conceal, don't feel. Be the good girl you always have to be.

And yet, there was that small part of her that, while she knew that she did not deserve even a shred of forgiveness for what she had done, craved happiness anyway. That craved to let Leon in, to give in to her growing feelings for the tall man she had met two years ago and helped deliver Christmas gifts. That longed to spend as much time with Olaf as was possible, to show him that she really did care, that he was more important to her than anything in the world because he was a product of a time in her life when she had had Anna, when they had been together and happy and safe. A part of her that longed to put down her walls and welcome in all of the wonderful people who wanted so badly to know her, to heal her, like Lucille and May. But how could she allow herself to love these people, to let them past the barriers she'd taken years to build around herself, when it would surely lead to their destruction, when she would surely hurt them as she had hurt Anna? Resting her face in her hands, Elsa sighed, scrubbing her palms over her eyes to try and calm herself and stop the snow, though it continued to fall, leaving a think blanket of white on the rock around where she sat.

TAGGED | annalise kjerstin alvær
NOTES | i hope its okay wifey my brain is kinda mush rn. ;o; SO EXCITED

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annalise kjerstin alvær
 Posted on: Mar 7 2017, 12:08 PM
anna
❝ you're gorgeous... wait, what? ❞
FROZEN
19
5'5"
PANSEXUAL
TAKEN FOR NOW
84

tay



you and me
we only have each other, it's just
If she were being honest, the animated realm wasn't exactly a place anna liked to visit very often. If she weren't on a constant search for her sister and her memories didn't rely on it, she likely wouldn't come back at all. Though the idea of never going back home felt like a sharp jab in her heart, she knew all too well there may not be anything to go back to. The state of things on the other side of the portal was grim – once bright, colourful landscapes were now lifeless and grey. Once calm seas were raging, towering mountains were eroding and grandiose castles were crumbling one by one. Even if she were to get back to Arendelle, wherever it was now – would there be anything left?

The thought of her once vibrant kingdom full of wonderful people she was lucky to call her citizens, and the breathtaking landscapes that the fjords in both the summer and winter had to offer – the idea of all that, gone. It was too much. Alongside not knowing her sister's whereabouts, if she let the weight of it all consume her she would suffocate. It was hard – though she made it seem easy – to stay optimistic when you're surrounded by doubt, fear and uncertainty. It was much more difficult than she would ever let on. Though it was Anna's nature to be hopeful, even optimists could lose hope. She'd almost lost it once – and she would rather not again.

But she couldn't avoid the portal any longer. It had been long enough that her memories had begun to fade and grow fuzzy around the edges – something she could never let happen. As sad as it made her, to recall everything that happened, it also reminded her of where she'd been. It helped fuel her confidence in herself, that she'd made it through the (quite literal) storm relatively unscathed, nothing but a bruised heart and some chills to show from it. Most importantly, it reminded her that her sister was still out there somewhere, that Elsa still needed to know that Anna forgave her. In fact, that she didn't have anything to be sorry for in the first place. That she was the one who was sorry. For everything.

As she stepped across the portal and back into her old familiar body, the princess of Arendelle felt her memories sharpen once more. Now clear as crystal, they danced in vivid colour across her mind's eye and Anna released a deep breath that she didn't know she'd been holding. Opening her eyes – she closed them every time she crossed to brace herself for… well, she didn't know what – the scene she was met with was unfamiliar. And yet, at the same time, all too familiar. Large fluffy snowflakes drifted gently down from the sky, and in the distance what she could only assume was once a great castle, falling to pieces in the wake of the destruction that had been wrought in these lands. A little pang in her chest as she thought of her castle back home, and hoped that it hadn't met the same fate as this one. With a sigh, Anna pulled her cloak tighter around her body and started towards the disheartening landscape.

At least the sun's out.

Squinting into the bright light, Anna held an arm above her forehead in an attempt to shield her eyes. The snow falling and the sun shining made it difficult to get a good, clear view of anything. She thought she could see someone else though – sitting on a rock. It was too bright to make out any sort of detail, and the snow seemed to be falling thicker the closer she got. Averting her eyes the ground beneath her feet, Anna kept her gaze steady on her path. Just about to look up again to see how close she now was, she learned the hard way – literally.

"Oooow-how-how!"

Eyes closing tightly shut, Anna bent at the waist and grabbed the toe she'd just stubbed against the unnoticed boulder. Her breaths seethed between her teeth as she released several more "ow"s and "ahh"s and squeaks. With a pout, Anna set her throbbing foot back down and made to frown at the offending boulder, when she realized she'd had an audience. A familiar audience. An audience she would recognize anywhere. As her gaze settled on the ivory skin and platinum hair, Anna's heart nearly stopped. Her breath hitched in her throat, stomach lurching as the realization of who was sitting not even two feet away flooded over her. She didn't know how she managed the next thing that left her mouth as more emotions than she could count on her two hands began racing through her – voice small and uncertain, laced with disbelief.

"… E-Elsa?"

elsa brigit redd + AAAAHHHHHHHH!
ϟ thanks morgan.
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elsa brigit redd
 Posted on: Aug 1 2017, 09:40 PM
elsa
❝ the cold never bothered me anyway ❞
frozen
24
5'8"
heterosexual
interested
47

wendy



conceal, don't feel
outfit to come

The scene laid out on the hillside before her was painful and difficult to take in--a castle that she imagined had once stood tall and proud looking over the valley beneath it, painted the most beautiful of colors that shone brightly in the sun's rays now lay mostly in ruins, towers crumbling into little more than dust and mortar, stained glass windows shattered in their panes, a drawbridge only half lowered and a smattering of destroyed brick and wood lying at the foot of the space for the bridge on either side. She could only begin to imagine the terrible things that the people of this kingdom had seen and been through as the kingdom fell and was swallowed up by the darkness. She could still just barely make out the bright colors that had adorned the castle walls, though the dust and grime and the bitter bite of the darkness had stolen away much of their luster in the time the ruin had sat abandoned by all those who might once have shown it care and restored it to its former glory. She wondered for a moment at what might have happened to the people who lived in the castle and the fractured village that lay in the valley beneath. She could still scarcely make out the dark scorch marks of charred earth where buildings had burned and fallen. Had the village's residents still been there in their homes when the fires had been set? Had Arendelle seen a similar fate to the decimation she saw now?

Wiping at her face with the back of her hand to clear away the tears welling in her eyes before they could slip free, Elsa tried to put such thoughts from her mind, though she struggled with those memories that had begun to fade and soften snapping back into cleared focus still now that she was back on this side of the portal. Had her people suffered terribly in the eternal winter she had cursed her home with, or in the ice storm that her emotions conjured in the wake of the revelation that her little sister was dead that it was her fault? Or had Arendelle stood strong, somehow, through all of that, as her people had been known to do, and finally succumbed to the darkness as so many other once beautiful kingdoms and camps and mountains and valleys had done after that all-encompassing presence of evil had descended on them? She could only hope that her people had had the chance to escape the city before it was destroyed, as she was sure had been Arendelle's fate in the end. After all, how could Arendelle have survived where so many other once strong and prosperous kingdoms and cities had not? No, there was little hope for the village or the fjords or the gardens that surrounded the castle where she and her sister had grown up--no hope for the memories that she had made there with her parents and Anna and with their nursemaid Gerda, who had been like a second mother to them in their childhood, always playing with them and making them their favorite treats. Of course, the older woman had more often than not been annoyed by the antics of the two young princesses, but she had loved them all the same. If anyone could have made it out of the castle and helped the villagers of Arendelle, she liked to believe that it could have been Gerda, lioness of a woman that she was.

The people of Arendelle were brave and strong--strong enough to survive the deepest of winters each year when the fjords grew icy and perilous and the ground frosted over, and had endured the untimely winter thrown their way by her magic in much the same brave fashion. She had to believe that that strength would carry them through the danger than threatened their home, that they had survived and made it out of the kingdom before it was too late...before her own home turned to ruins similar to the heap of rubble before her. A loud exclamation from behind her jolted her out of her reverie, and she nearly fell from the boulder in her surprise, turning swiftly around to see who had happened upon her out here. With wide eyes, she stared down on the younger girl on the ground as she jumped up and down in place, grasping at her foot, which she must have hit on the boulder when she was passing by. The snow around them continued to fall, a thicker layer coating the top of the rock around her as recognition settled in. No. No, this wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

Slowly, the other girl seemed to get past the pain of her stubbed toe, gaze trailing up to meet hers, and a similar recognition to her own flashed in the younger girl's eyes. "…E-Elsa?" She must have been hallucinating. There was no way that Anna was standing here, staring up at her. No way that she was alive. She had heard it directly from Hans. Anna had made it home to Arendelle, ice cold and in terrible condition, close to death, and she had died in his arms, the last memory she would ever have of her older sister the day when she cast her out after piercing her heart with her magic. Anna was dead, and she had killed her. Getting slowly to her feet, she balked at the girl standing below her, shaking her head and climbing slowly down to the ground to face the apparition. "Anna," she murmured softly, shaking her head again. How could this be happening? The tears she had tried to hard before to keep from falling drifted without interruption down her cheeks now, leaving damp streaks in their wake, and she lifted a hand to cover her quaking lips, feeling suddenly unsteady. "No...no, this isn't real. You...I..." Her knees grew weak beneath her weight and she dropped to the ground, looking up at the other girl after a long moment. "Anna...I, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry f-for what I did to you." She knew that this couldn't be the real Anna, that she had lost her chance to apologize to her years ago...but maybe this could be a chance to get the apologies out so that they didn't weigh quite so heavily on her heart?

"I'm sorry for everything. I--I would do anything to go back and change it all. To bring you back." Burying her face in her hands and shaking her head to try and push away the image of her baby sister, the young, vibrant girl who was stolen from the world too soon, and all because of her and the curse of her magic.

TAGGED | annalise kjerstin alvær
NOTES | so it got super dramatic i'm sorry haha. but i hope it's okay? ToT

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annalise kjerstin alvær
 Posted on: Nov 28 2017, 02:17 AM
anna
❝ you're gorgeous... wait, what? ❞
FROZEN
19
5'5"
PANSEXUAL
TAKEN FOR NOW
84

tay



you and me
we only have each other, it's just
For too long now, she hadn't known if she would ever find her sister again. It was too dangerous to hope, but hoping was all she had. The countless nights she lay awake in bed wondering if Elsa was okay, praying that her sister had found the safety of the portal as well. And every other night that she was transported back to that whiteout on the fjord, wind whirling in a frenzy around her, shoving her this way and that as she struggled to keep her footing, meek voice trying desperately to carry over the whistling wind. Those nights that she awoke in a sweat, crying out for her sister to no response. Those nights, all she could do was hope.

Some may call it silly, or immature, to hope quite as hard as she did. She'd been told before to face reality, that the world as she'd known it was absolutely ravaged and her kingdom had little hope of overcoming the havoc the darkness would wreak. That she should focus on setting up a new life here, and move forward - but that was easier said than done. True, she was more than happy to adjust to life across the portal and she was getting on quite well for herself. But life didn't start and end with the portal. She had a family, a kingdom, friends. She had Elsa. Sure -- hope was painful. She knew that well. She was no stranger to the pain, the constant worry. It plagued her every day, more than she would ever let on. And as optimistic, happy and energetic as she continued to be in the face of doubt, the hope and all the hurt that came with it sat simmering in the back of her mind.

But at the sight of the long white-blonde braid and familiar bright blue eyes before her, that hope turned from a simmer to a boil, and was very quickly bubbling over. There was no mistaking this woman for someone else - she knew her sister, she would recognize her in a crowd of thousands. Her heart began to pound rapidly in her chest while at the same time, feeling as if it were being squeezed in a death grip. She struggled to remember to breathe. It was Elsa.

It's here. She's here. That's her. Is she real? Of course she's real. Right?

As usual her mind began to reel, thoughts twirling dizzyingly around her brain at a mile a minute. A thousand questions rattled off in in her head, but before she could even start to form a sentence, Elsa was on the ground, staring up at her with tears in her eyes. And suddenly, she became aware of the tears that had already spilled down her own cheeks and continued to well in the corners of her eyes. Before she could even say anything, Elsa was pouring out apologies. Apologies for what, though? The confusion only mounted, and as the emotion came pouring unrelenting out of Elsa, it opened Anna's own floodgates. Falling down to her knees, Anna instinctively reached out and took Elsa's fair hands within her own, grasping them for dear life as if to make sure they were real. That she was real. That this wasn't some cruel trick the Darkness was playing. Because... she didn't think she could handle that.

Tears flowing freely now, Anna shook her head as Elsa continued to apologize for whatever it was she felt she had to apologize for. But then, something she said struck her. "To bring you back." And she found herself thinking out loud, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Bring me back? From where? I'm right here, Elsa." She squeezed her sister's hands a little tighter as if as reassurance. She was right here. Finally. And she wasn't going to go anywhere. "I'm here, I haven't gone anywhere. And I never will." Without hesitation and overcome with more emotions than she could even process, Anna flung herself forward and wrapped her arms around her sister, almost desperately. The reality that her sister was here, sitting in front of her, in her arms. Physically present. She wasn't sure it had even quite set in. But that didn't matter now.

"You're okay! Thank god you're okay. I've been looking everywhere for you, Elsa. I never gave up."

elsa brigit redd + /ugly crying I HOPE DIS OK ;O;
ϟ thanks morgan.
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elsa brigit redd
 Posted on: Dec 31 2017, 12:11 AM
elsa
❝ the cold never bothered me anyway ❞
frozen
24
5'8"
heterosexual
interested
47

wendy



conceal, don't feel
outfit to come

This couldn't be real. It had to be her mind playing tricks on her, her imagination running wild. She'd been thinking of Anna while she was sitting up on that bolder. She'd finally stopped running, stopped hiding from her past and what she'd done, and she'd paused and given herself the chance to truly mourn her sister and the kingdom they'd loved after so many long years of hating herself. She doubted, of course, that that anger at herself for the horrible things she had done because she hadn't been strong enough to learn control over her abilities, but somehow she had felt as though today might be the first day on her road to healing, to thinking of something other than her heartbreak when she thought of her little sister. It had to have been those thoughts, those memories of their time together that she'd finally allowed herself to ponder, that had brought to life this hallucination...this incredibly realistic hallucination.

Blue eyes glistened as tears welled up and fell in streams down her cheeks, and she stared up at her sister for another long, heartbreaking moment. She looked beautiful, just as she had the night of her coronation--beautifuller, even. Framed by the conjured snow as it fell around them, she looked almost like an angel, and it wreaked havoc on her heart, the older sibling gazing up at the sister that she'd lost, that she'd destroyed. The apologies came more quickly than her breath as she stumbled over everything that she had stockpiled in the back of her mind that she wanted so badly to tell Anna but knew she would never get the chance to, and she felt herself bowing lower towards the ground, unable to keep eye contact with the apparition standing in the snow before her. This wasn't real. It couldn't be, and she knew that. She was alone here, lying in the dirt and the snow that she'd conjured in her grief, and Anna was not there with her, however much she wished that she could have her best friend back.

The imagined Anna dropped to her knees before her--the sound of her knees crunching into the snow sounded more real than she expected it to, but she passed that off as more of her imagination in overdrive--and reached for her hands without hesitation, and for a moment, Elsa was tempted to tear her hands away. She hadn't been comfortable with anyone touching her bare hands since she was a little girl, since she and her father had discovered that the gloves helped at least to subdue her powers, and even now she wore gloves near constantly in San Francisco, but she had abandoned her gloves on the bolder as she sat alone in the silence, wanting for only a handful of minutes to feel a sort of freedom from the confines of the gloves she used to conceal her powers.

But as her hands twitched in Anna's, ready to pull away, she reminded herself that this was only in her imagination, that it wasn't truly Anna, and therefore no one was in danger. Things were just as they had been minutes earlier as she sat alone and watched the snow fall, staring at the ruined castle in the distance from her perch. Anna held onto her hands tightly, clinging, and she let herself think of how nice it was to feel for that short moment as if her sister was truly there with her, as if she could finally release her guilt and reclaim the life she could have lived with her best friend in the world if she hadn't spent so much of her life hidden away in her room, too afraid to face the people she loved most.

She wanted to look up at the imaginary girl again, to see if her smile looked the same as Anna's always had--if it would shine as bright as her sister always had--but could not bring herself to lift her gaze from the thick layer of snow on the ground between them, and all the while, the apologies kept pouring out like water running from a faucet. But when Anna spoke, her voice confused, and squeezed her hands again in an attempt to console and reassure her, Elsa felt her shoulder's tense. This version of Anna must not have known the terrible thing that she'd done, the monster that she had become because of her powers, the moment when she had sent her baby sister away and to her untimely death without blinking, without even realizing the atrocity she had committed. It felt nice to have this moment, to feel her sister's love that she had spent so many years pushing away or trying to hold herself back from avoiding, but she knew that she had to finish what she was saying, that she had to get this apology all of the way out while she still could. She opened her mouth to tell her that she had gone somewhere, that she'd gone away forever, that it was all her fault, but as Anna threw her arms around her, she felt herself tense again and stopped breathing, hands hovering out to either side of her sister's frame.

It all felt too real to simply be her imagination. She knew this, and yet she couldn't understand how it could be anything other than her mind showing her what she wanted to see... But what if it was real? What if Anna was actually here, actually hugging her, actually alve? What if Hans had been wrong when he said that she'd died? "Anna? she murmured again, her voice soft and hoarse as she finally returned the other girl's hug, her arms wrapping tightly around her and her face burrowing into her shoulder, tears still falling without any sign of stopping. "But Hans, when I saw him on the fjord, he said..." She took a few short breaths, gasping for air as she pulled back enough to look into her sister's face, one ungloved hand tentatively reaching up to brush her hair aside where their hug had displaced it. "He told me that you'd died." Pausing to take another breath, clinging to her composure, she wiped at her cheeks with her free hand and settled the hand that had pushed aside her hair on her shoulder, amazed that this might actually be reality rather than fantasy. "He said that you'd come back from the ice palace, and you'd died in his arms...that I had killed you." Hanging her head for a moment, she tried to rationalize what was happening here, to understand how Anna could be here in front of her when she had thought for years that she was dead, that she'd killed her own sister.

"I can't believe it's really you...you're really here." She laughed, more tears welling in her eyes as she pulled the other girl into another hug, still not certain whether this would turn out to be a hallucination or a dream, but also knowing deep down that she couldn't have imagined this, couldn't have made up this feeling even if she'd tried. Anna was here, and it was as if a thousand weights had been lifted from her chest. This had to be real.

TAGGED | annalise kjerstin alvær
NOTES | oooookay i have emotions ;o;

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